When a forgotten dessert became a lesson in agency, voice, and dignity
Monday 4th August 2025
Veronica Dunning, UKBA (Cert.), BCBA, QBA, CEO & Clinical Director
My son has always found it hard to speak up for himself. For much of his life, he’s been passive, not quite able to say when something didn’t feel right.
But we’ve spent years nurturing his agency as part of his ABA programme. Gently helping him build his sense of self-advocacy, justice, and belief that his feelings matter.
Last night, we saw a glimpse of how far he’s come.
He’d gone to a new supermarket with his dad and forgot to pick up his Friday dessert, something he really looks forward to. After dinner, he opened the fridge and looked distressed.
“Dessert!” he said, upset.
It was more than disappointment, it was frustration, sadness, injustice.
And in that moment, I saw the opportunity: to validate his feelings and respond in a way that taught him his voice has power.
We jumped in the car and went to the supermarket. When he chose his dessert and smiled, it wasn’t just a sweet treat, it was joy. It was empowerment.
And I thought: what if this had happened in a different setting?
Would his feelings have been acknowledged — or labelled as challenging behaviour?
It wasn’t about dessert. It was about listening. About dignity. About knowing your emotions matter.
Let’s keep building environments, at home, in school, in supported living, where young people with complex needs are heard, understood, and supported.
Where frustration leads not to shame, but to connection.
Where voice leads to joy.
Because that’s where agency begins.
